When we get married, we believe we'll live happily ever after.
Although we've all heard the statistics - the latest tell us that over 50% of marriages in North America will end up in divorce - we don't think it will apply to us. Like most people when they hear a statistic, we think it applies to 'other' people, and we bury our heads in ignorance and denial...until it happens to us.
While for men the prospect of divorce is challenging, sad and perhaps financially very difficult, it is often the woman who gets the short end of the stick, especially financially. Despite the media portrayal of women who take men for all they've got, the reality is usually far more stark and desperate for divorced women then men.
With little financial knowledge and even less power, women are often left feeling adrift and frightened. They don't know how to support themselves and a family, a skill which men have been taught since they were children. Boys are instilled with the provider mindset, and the unfortunate truth is that most girls are not. Thankfully, this is changing as we raise our girls to be strong and independent, but there is still a long way to go in ensuring our children enjoy equality of opportunity and mindset.
One important step any woman take is to get, and remain, informed. This means knowing your household finances, and becoming knowledgeable about how money works. A basic study of banks and lending institutions, investment and insurance options, wills and other legally important issues is crucial to being prepared in the event of a divorce, or even the untimely death of a husband.
This study need not take much time, and need not be intimidating. No matter how little you know about money, the most important step is to MAKE A DECISION to become informed. Information is power, and you must never leave yourself powerless and vulnerable.
Here are some suggestions to get you started:
- Household finances: Gather your household paperwork and begin studying it. Even if you just take a few minutes each morning or evening, make an effort to get more intimate with your family's finances. Calculate how much you REALLY spend as a family in a given month, versus how much is coming in.
One way to help with this task is to write down everything you spend for 48 hours - you may be shocked. Even if you are the one who pays the bills, your picture may not be as clear as it could be. By getting a grip on the true picture, you will be better prepared in the event of a financial emergency, including divorce.
Resources:
Smart Women Finish Rich
Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny - An objective look: Book an introductory appointment with a financial advisor or several (even better). These are usually complimentary, as the advisor is hoping to win your business. Be honest and tell them everything to get the best advice - you don't necessarily have to see these people again. You will receive direction and guidance based on the advisor's experience, and by comparing the advice of several advisors, you will enjoy double benefit: you will learn a LOT, and you may even find an advisor you trust to help you in the future.
- Additional important advice: As you did with financial advisors, have at least a preliminary meeting with a lawyer or two, and some insurance advisors. With the lawyer, get to know your rights as a wife and mother, and be sure and discuss estate issues as well. What will happen to you and your children if your husband should unexpectedly die or become incapacitated? What if something happens to you? With the insurance advisor/s, be ready to say no to the sales pitch you may get, and take all the paperwork you can to read and learn on your own. Ask questions, and buy the appropriate insurance when you feel armed with the knowledge to choose wisely.
- Increase your knowledge: Begin reading the financial section of your local paper/s, take books out of the library, buy audio sets about becoming finacially independent (try eBay) and listen on the way to work, go to local seminars...the opportunities for learning are emdless, and you can begin right in your own neighbourhood. The more you learn, the more comfortable you will feel.
Resources:
The Financial Learning Curve: Overcoming Frustration
Rich Dad's Success Stories
By following the above steps, you can become prepared for whatever lies in your future. You will take control of your financial destiny, and in the event that a divorce is part of your life, you will stand on steady feet financially. There is enough turmoil in a relationship break-up - don't leave yourself with the added heartbreak and fear of financial hardship. Be smart, and be prepared.
Anyone can do this. YOU can do it!
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