Rewarding Yourself vs. Denying Yourself

Does the word budget make you squirm? How about phrases like cutting back, sacrificing now for long-term gain, going without and living below your means?

Many times what keeps us from creating wealth is not just a lack of knowledge, but the feeling of resentment that stems from it. We think the resentment is about not being able to spend freely what we work so hard for, but the resentment only exists because we have not seen the beauty and power of money growing: the reward has not been made real for us. When we haven't learned to appreciate the value of our actions, we see only the pain and not the pleasure (which FAR outweighs the pain, and in fact turns the it into pleasure as well).

When you truly see with opened eyes the amazing power of growing your money, it will give you a little kick of adrenaline every time you save a small amount and put it towards your financial future. Whether it's a savings account, investing account, or debt repayment, each tiny amount of gain delivers a little jolt of happiness and excitement when you can truly see it as being one step closer to your financial independence. There is nothing like it!

As an example, I used to resent being told I can't do something - no matter what it was - so the concept of saving or budgeting made me very uncomfortable and resentful. I felt like I was killing my dreams, like I wasn't good enough to warrant fantastic things and lots of money, and like I was settling for a life of poverty and frugality. All of this made me rebel, and spend every cent I earned (which was quite a bit...oh, the pain I feel now at all that lost money) like it was water. I'd be damned if someone was going to tell me I couldn't spend my own money!

The Turning Point

One evening, I was driving home and thought to myself that I wanted to have a cigarette (I have since quit for many years), and right away I heard the little voice in my mind giving me grief, ie. 'No, you shouldn't, you should really quit...smoking is really bad for you, and what kind of example are you setting for your daughter?'...etc., etc. I reacted with such rebelliousness that it hit me - my reaction was to want to smoke more! I resented being told what to do so much, even by myself, that I had the urge to go smoke a cigarette as soon as possible and shout 'so there!'. The incredible insight hit me that I didn't even really want to smoke, and that much of the dynamic was created by my resentment of being told I couldn't. I quit smoking right then and there. All my real reasons for not smoking that had been pushed aside by my stubbornness came to the fore, and I remember crying at how foolish and childish I had been acting.

Being in the personal development field, it didn't take me long to ask myself where else in my life I was exhibiting this behavior. Sure enough, the subject of money jumped out loud and clear. The pattern was very similar; every time I had a choice to make about whether I should splurge and spend some money, if I told myself I 'shouldn't', then I instantly felt resentful and went ahead and bought the item in order to make myself feel better - to feel worthy of the item. How we sabotage ourselves when we don't realize what we are doing!

In the Rules of Wealth, Richard Templar makes a great and simple analogy with these wise words:

"My observation is that wealthy people get the idea of compound interest and
the rest of us don't.

"If you spend all you get, then this Rule (Understand that money begets money) will never work for you; it'll never get your money working for you. You have to set asdie money for breeding purposes. If you ran a rabbit farm and killed and ate all your rabbits, you wouldn't have any left to keep going. Forget the rabbit farm - you're going to start a money farm. Your money will breed. You can then reinvest some and spend some - but you can't spend it all or you'll have no more rabbits."

While you are building your net worth and creating financial freedom for yourself, try switching your definitions of reward and deny. You are rewarding yourself every time you KEEP your money, every time you make a choice not to buy something and instead to save or invest that money. You REWARD yourself by keeping your money and DENY yourself by giving it away in little bits.

When you have finally created the financial conditions that allow you to freely purchase things you want, you may find that you spend less freely. This doesn't mean you will suffer without; it means that you will have learned the ultimate lesson about money, which is to KEEP it; to cherish it and put it to work for you. Every penny you spend is one less in your pocket, and one less that works for you. Personally, I fervently believe in increasing one's means, rather than learning or choosing to live frugally within one's means. The philosophies are quite different, mine being based on abundance and possibility rather than concepts of lack and limited resources. Think in terms of finding and creating more ways of making money, and begin building your dreams, dollar by dollar. Anyone can do this. YOU can do it!