It's All About ME

I saw a young girl wearing a t-shirt that said this recently, and my instant reaction was to think how obnoxious that is.

...And then, I re-thought. While I'm all for children learning to respect and think of others and not be too self-centered, I realized the more I thought about it what a great message that really is. It's all about me!

How many times, as kids, were we told that the Universe doesn't revolve around us, the world does not just give us what we want, we should just stop dreaming and be happy with what we have like 'everyone else,'? How sad!

Girls, especially, get short shrift when it comes to people telling them how great they are, how talented, how special and how capable...how important. This translates, later in life, to women who lack confidence, and who don't really know how to take care of themselves. In a world that runs on money, this means that many women end up poor and scared, and wishing that the little girl they once were had been taught better.

As women, we are often caught up in all the roles we play: mother, wife, co-worker, neighborhood driver, volunteer, friend...the list goes on. We are bombarded with mixed and varied messages - we look old, we haven't saved enough for retirement, we're beautiful just the way we are, we need to be more youthful and beautiful, strength is beautiful, wealth is evil, especially for women.

We need to invest time in thinking about our true priorities. After all, if we don't define and live our priorities, who will? And whose priorities will we be living?

Those priorities have to include financial independence. There are no two ways about it. Even if you believe you don't need financial abundance, the freedom from worry that comes with having enough is something we can all achieve, and should all strive for. Financial independence doesn't need to be some ideal on a pedestal - it is as simple as having enough cashflow to cover monthly expenses. When you have that, everything else is gravy, and can be saved and invested, which is also, obviously, important.

Put yourself first and enjoy the rewards. For once, think to yourself, 'It's all about ME!!'

Some resources you may enjoy and perhaps share with your kids:

• Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad, Poor Dad - What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money - That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!
• A Smart Girl's Guide To Money: How to Make It, Save It and Spend It (for young girls)
• Suze Orman's The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom

Rewarding Yourself vs. Denying Yourself

Does the word budget make you squirm? How about phrases like cutting back, sacrificing now for long-term gain, going without and living below your means?

Many times what keeps us from creating wealth is not just a lack of knowledge, but the feeling of resentment that stems from it. We think the resentment is about not being able to spend freely what we work so hard for, but the resentment only exists because we have not seen the beauty and power of money growing: the reward has not been made real for us. When we haven't learned to appreciate the value of our actions, we see only the pain and not the pleasure (which FAR outweighs the pain, and in fact turns the it into pleasure as well).

When you truly see with opened eyes the amazing power of growing your money, it will give you a little kick of adrenaline every time you save a small amount and put it towards your financial future. Whether it's a savings account, investing account, or debt repayment, each tiny amount of gain delivers a little jolt of happiness and excitement when you can truly see it as being one step closer to your financial independence. There is nothing like it!

As an example, I used to resent being told I can't do something - no matter what it was - so the concept of saving or budgeting made me very uncomfortable and resentful. I felt like I was killing my dreams, like I wasn't good enough to warrant fantastic things and lots of money, and like I was settling for a life of poverty and frugality. All of this made me rebel, and spend every cent I earned (which was quite a bit...oh, the pain I feel now at all that lost money) like it was water. I'd be damned if someone was going to tell me I couldn't spend my own money!

The Turning Point

One evening, I was driving home and thought to myself that I wanted to have a cigarette (I have since quit for many years), and right away I heard the little voice in my mind giving me grief, ie. 'No, you shouldn't, you should really quit...smoking is really bad for you, and what kind of example are you setting for your daughter?'...etc., etc. I reacted with such rebelliousness that it hit me - my reaction was to want to smoke more! I resented being told what to do so much, even by myself, that I had the urge to go smoke a cigarette as soon as possible and shout 'so there!'. The incredible insight hit me that I didn't even really want to smoke, and that much of the dynamic was created by my resentment of being told I couldn't. I quit smoking right then and there. All my real reasons for not smoking that had been pushed aside by my stubbornness came to the fore, and I remember crying at how foolish and childish I had been acting.

Being in the personal development field, it didn't take me long to ask myself where else in my life I was exhibiting this behavior. Sure enough, the subject of money jumped out loud and clear. The pattern was very similar; every time I had a choice to make about whether I should splurge and spend some money, if I told myself I 'shouldn't', then I instantly felt resentful and went ahead and bought the item in order to make myself feel better - to feel worthy of the item. How we sabotage ourselves when we don't realize what we are doing!

In the Rules of Wealth, Richard Templar makes a great and simple analogy with these wise words:

"My observation is that wealthy people get the idea of compound interest and
the rest of us don't.

"If you spend all you get, then this Rule (Understand that money begets money) will never work for you; it'll never get your money working for you. You have to set asdie money for breeding purposes. If you ran a rabbit farm and killed and ate all your rabbits, you wouldn't have any left to keep going. Forget the rabbit farm - you're going to start a money farm. Your money will breed. You can then reinvest some and spend some - but you can't spend it all or you'll have no more rabbits."

While you are building your net worth and creating financial freedom for yourself, try switching your definitions of reward and deny. You are rewarding yourself every time you KEEP your money, every time you make a choice not to buy something and instead to save or invest that money. You REWARD yourself by keeping your money and DENY yourself by giving it away in little bits.

When you have finally created the financial conditions that allow you to freely purchase things you want, you may find that you spend less freely. This doesn't mean you will suffer without; it means that you will have learned the ultimate lesson about money, which is to KEEP it; to cherish it and put it to work for you. Every penny you spend is one less in your pocket, and one less that works for you. Personally, I fervently believe in increasing one's means, rather than learning or choosing to live frugally within one's means. The philosophies are quite different, mine being based on abundance and possibility rather than concepts of lack and limited resources. Think in terms of finding and creating more ways of making money, and begin building your dreams, dollar by dollar. Anyone can do this. YOU can do it!

Credit Does NOT Equal Cash

Many people confuse credit offered to them by a bank or other lending institution with CASH. 'Woohoo!' they think...'extra money to spend!'

Because credit can feel like it provides breathing room, it is easy to switch unnoticed to thinking it's 'spending room'.

"For many people credit cards aren't real money, at least until the bill arrives," says financial columnist Michelle Singletary in her book Spend Well, Live Rich. She continues, "People think of credit cards as an extension of their income." [This is a good book to help you re-consider your spending patterns. I find the content quite lack-based, however there are many important lessons and eye-openers that make it a very worthwhile read.]

Credit and cash are NOT the same as far as their effect on your wealth, and in fact can be considered opposites. Credit involves more debt, and cash is something that if handled wisely can make you wealthy. Paying for a purchase with cash is the opposite of paying for it with credit. You are essentially agreeing to put not only the purchase amount into someone else's pocket, but all the interest you will pay as well.

I myself used to feel like an extra $2,000 credit was just like cash, and until I understood and changed this dangerous perception, it ruled my financial life and kept me in a difficult situation.

Many times what allows us to believe our purchases are not really affecting our financial bottom line is the fact that it's little numbers: a meal here, a manicure there...how much can it really hurt? The flip side of this coin is how hard it is to hear the answer to that question. We act like ostriches and stick our heads in the sand. We don't WANT to know; it's easier and less painful that way. Somewhere inside we know that we are acting like fools, and it's easier not to face that.
Please know that the day you choose to face your spending habits will be a turning point in your life. This is a GOOD thing. Taking control of your finances is the most empowering, exciting and rewarding activity imaginable. The emotional and financial gains you will enjoy are well worth the sting of humiliation you may feel when looking your choices straight on.

For a little test, and whenever you need a reminder, try the following when you are faced with a buying decision, big or small:

• Check out the calculators at USATODAY.com and play around. Under the 'saving' list try 'What's it worth to reduce my spending?' to really get an idea what you could do with your money. It can be very inspiring to see how much that little regular purchase could be worth to your financial future if you allocated your money differently.


• Do a quick mental calculation to determine how many hours of your labor went into creating this much money. For example, if after taxes you pull in $10 per hour and you want to buy a great $100 top on sale for $40 - what a deal! - change your perspective by asking yourself 'is this really worth 4 hours of my working time?' It's no deal. It's $40 that could otherwise be building on itself, in your favor instead of someone else's.


• For purchases you are considering the use of credit for, ask yourself if you would go into your local bank or credit union and apply for a loan. This tip is courtesy of Michelle Singletary (mentioned above), and it's a brilliantly simple way of getting perspective. Would you really look your loan officer in the face and say 'Well, I really need the $150 for this AWESOME pair of Nike shoes and of course I need socks to go with them...'? Didn't think so.

Remember, credit is NOT your money. It's someone else's money, and you pay dearly for the use of it - sometimes many, many times the original purchase price. Start keeping your money in your pocket, where it belongs, and leave others' money in their pockets. Anyone can do this. YOU can do it.