Money, Weight-Loss, and Relationships...Oh, My!

If you have never noticed the parallels among various aspects of your life, then this article is meant for you. We are wholistic beings, and as such we tend to react and act in similar ways in varied situations. Similarly, the same type of principles apply, whether we are discussing money, relationships or health. For instance:

• Calories vs. dollars: Burn more calories than you consume - lose weight. Save more money than you spend - have money. Simple! Sometimes we complicate things in order to feel as if they are not accomplishable (is that a word? If not, it seems to work).
  
• Reactionary living vs. conscious, goal-oriented living: Whether you eat a tub of ice cream after a fight with your husband, an upsetting work episode or after a small diet 'slip-up,' the result is the same - you are reacting without conscious thought, and usually it is to your detriment. We all do it. Conversely, getting up at 6am consistenly to work out, making a decision ahead of time not to jump to anger when triggered, and saving part of your paycheck every month are ALL conscious decisions. All will benefit you, both in short-term confidence and motivation and in long-term, positive results.
  
• Dreaming vs. settling: Do you dream big dreams, or is your most common sentiment 'I can't change anything?' Whether you feel you are stuck in your job or your relationship, the concept - and the feelings - are the same. In the same way, if you are of the attitude that you can always learn and grow from every situation, and that you control your destiny by your choices, your life - from finances to relationships - will just keep getting better from here on in. How can I tell? Because I know that it doesn't matter what happens to you; what matters is how you handle it. Of course we have all heard this, but it really does ring true.
  
• Long-term vision or instant gratification: Did you want to skip reading this one because it made you cringe? Often, the reason we feel the need for instant gratification is deeper than just selfishness or impatience. Below this are some deep, swirling emotions and beliefs. For instance, our survival instinct whispers to us that we must gather NOW. We must get it while we can, because we cannot be sure what the future holds. Perhaps we do not trust ourselves, or the people around us, so we really can't be sure that we will reach for those dreams we harbor; we'd better enjoy life now, and besides, there isn't enough to go around, so we must be sure and experience and have what we can. We deserve it, after all - this is a big one. When we deny ourselves, somehow our subconscious feels slighted and stamps its' little feet: "I want it NOW! Why can't I have it NOW??" So we give in to our fragile ego and buy and consume things now to make ourselves feel worthy.
  
  Instead, when we gain the confidence and long-term vision to consciously create our lives, we can quiet our ego and those 'what-if' worries. The future picture becomes bigger and more important than the present wants. It is an amazing process to begin looking to the future, and to do so we must ensure that we focus on the benefits such behavior will engender. If we don't, our current selves will revolt, and we will give in. Each time you have a little money, for instance, your brain may scream 'spend it!!!' even as you consciously know that saving it is a wiser choice. Focus on the bigger picture; do whatever it takes to create a shining future for yourself in your mind. Picture the growing wealth, the happiness and confidence you will feel, and BE that future self in your mind if you need to.

The list could go on, but this is enough to illustrate the old saying that 'wherever you go, there you are.' Examining your behavior and beliefs in one area can and will affect every other area in your life. Make changes in the way you handle your relations with others, and like a domino effect, all the facets of your life will be equally affected. Try it, and reap the rewards. Anyone can choose to take more control of their lives and start creating positive results. YOU can do it!

Avoiding Holiday Insanity

Happy Holidays!

What a nice thing to hear...and what a stressful time of year it is for many people. For anyone celebrating Holidays, whether Christmas, Kwanzaa or the upcoming Chinese New Year, there are usually excesses and expectations which come along with the celebrations. We all love celebrating, but many of us share the secret dread of escalating Holiday costs. Visits with cherished friends and loved ones are more frequent this time of year, and everywhere we go we feel the obligation to bring 'a little something.' From the office to the doorman to our kids' teachers, it seems the expenses add up without our even noticing it sometimes. Even the preparation of all those wonderful Holiday dishes and desserts to share at gatherings can get expensive.

While it is not easy to cut back on what we feel is necessary for the Holidays, there are some ways in which we can gain perspective, so that we don't lose our heads and go overboard. Try the following this year to help create a more memorable and less financially painful Holiday experience for you and your loved ones:

• Family traditions can be a great way to bring meaning to the Holidays, and most do not cost much, if anything. When I was young, for instance, we used to make homemade decorations for our Christmas tree, such as strings of cranberries and popcorn, and glass balls with glued sparkling designs on them. For households with young kids, these kinds of Holiday traditions will be what they always remember, because you are spending time with them and they appreciate that more than anything else. If you don't have any traditions, try creating some new ones!
  
• Remembering the less fortunate is always a good idea, but this is especially true at the Holidays. Just when you think you are running out of money, remind yourself that there are millions of people who do not have the luxury of celebrating any Holidays in the way that you do. A little donation can go a long way, particularly in poverty-stricken or war-torn countries. Sponsor a family or a child, or donate to the Salvation army or any number of needy charities. Not only does a person or family benefit from your generosity; it also feels great to know you are part of a solution, and it helps cultivate that connected feeling that is such a cherished part of any celebration.
  
  One organization that is doing fantastic things is KIVA, which helps by lending money for small business ideas in poverty-stricken areas of the world. For more information, please visit http://www.kiva.org/.
  
• If you simply cannot donate money, try donating a little of your time. You will serve as an inspiration and a role model by helping others. Soup kitchens, shelters, surrogate Santa programs and the Salvation Army are just a few places where you could offer a little help this season. There is never a shortage of need.


• Here's a really great idea for gaining perspective and saving money: Remember the credit card bills last year. Often, people are hit with sticker shock after Holiday time, because the shopping and eating done in celebration was done in small increments, and seems easier to justify little by little. They then spend the first pasrt of the New Year regretting their excesses, but by next year they have forgotten this painful feeling. If you do not pay your credit cards off in full every month and would like a real eye-opener, go back and look at last year's statements: you may still be paying for last year's purchases, and possibly many times over once interest is factored in.


• Life is short and transient. Every year, it seems, we lose at least one person whom we have loved, and new people come into our lives. We do not always acknowledge the people we've lost when we are celebrating; sometimes it seems awkward to say anything, or just too painful. Perhaps we can change this, and begin to treat Holiday celebrations with reverence for all life, which includes remembrance of and gratitude for those we have loved and lost. Try creating a speech to commemorate someone who cannot be with you for the Holidays. Light a candle for them, and celebrate their life with joy. This can make Holidays much more personal, memorable and meaningful.


• Be honest with your friends and family. You love them no matter what, and money should have nothing to do with it. If you are feeling - usually unspoken - social pressure to buy gifts and food all the time, chances are they are too. Perhaps you could all get together and have a money-saving potluck, and instead commit to investing some of your saved money wisely. Tell people how much you care about them, and simply explain that expressing that with presents just isn't an option this year. You may be surprised at how much they understand and appreciate your sentiment.

Whatever you do, stay safe and dream big dreams for the New Year. By saving more money now, you can start the new year wisely and with confidence. This is the most difficult time of the year, financially, for many people to get through. If you can do it and feel great about it, you're well on your way to having a fantastic 2008. Cheers!

Rewarding Yourself vs. Denying Yourself

Does the word budget make you squirm? How about phrases like cutting back, sacrificing now for long-term gain, going without and living below your means?

Many times what keeps us from creating wealth is not just a lack of knowledge, but the feeling of resentment that stems from it. We think the resentment is about not being able to spend freely what we work so hard for, but the resentment only exists because we have not seen the beauty and power of money growing: the reward has not been made real for us. When we haven't learned to appreciate the value of our actions, we see only the pain and not the pleasure (which FAR outweighs the pain, and in fact turns the it into pleasure as well).

When you truly see with opened eyes the amazing power of growing your money, it will give you a little kick of adrenaline every time you save a small amount and put it towards your financial future. Whether it's a savings account, investing account, or debt repayment, each tiny amount of gain delivers a little jolt of happiness and excitement when you can truly see it as being one step closer to your financial independence. There is nothing like it!

As an example, I used to resent being told I can't do something - no matter what it was - so the concept of saving or budgeting made me very uncomfortable and resentful. I felt like I was killing my dreams, like I wasn't good enough to warrant fantastic things and lots of money, and like I was settling for a life of poverty and frugality. All of this made me rebel, and spend every cent I earned (which was quite a bit...oh, the pain I feel now at all that lost money) like it was water. I'd be damned if someone was going to tell me I couldn't spend my own money!

The Turning Point

One evening, I was driving home and thought to myself that I wanted to have a cigarette (I have since quit for many years), and right away I heard the little voice in my mind giving me grief, ie. 'No, you shouldn't, you should really quit...smoking is really bad for you, and what kind of example are you setting for your daughter?'...etc., etc. I reacted with such rebelliousness that it hit me - my reaction was to want to smoke more! I resented being told what to do so much, even by myself, that I had the urge to go smoke a cigarette as soon as possible and shout 'so there!'. The incredible insight hit me that I didn't even really want to smoke, and that much of the dynamic was created by my resentment of being told I couldn't. I quit smoking right then and there. All my real reasons for not smoking that had been pushed aside by my stubbornness came to the fore, and I remember crying at how foolish and childish I had been acting.

Being in the personal development field, it didn't take me long to ask myself where else in my life I was exhibiting this behavior. Sure enough, the subject of money jumped out loud and clear. The pattern was very similar; every time I had a choice to make about whether I should splurge and spend some money, if I told myself I 'shouldn't', then I instantly felt resentful and went ahead and bought the item in order to make myself feel better - to feel worthy of the item. How we sabotage ourselves when we don't realize what we are doing!

In the Rules of Wealth, Richard Templar makes a great and simple analogy with these wise words:

"My observation is that wealthy people get the idea of compound interest and
the rest of us don't.

"If you spend all you get, then this Rule (Understand that money begets money) will never work for you; it'll never get your money working for you. You have to set asdie money for breeding purposes. If you ran a rabbit farm and killed and ate all your rabbits, you wouldn't have any left to keep going. Forget the rabbit farm - you're going to start a money farm. Your money will breed. You can then reinvest some and spend some - but you can't spend it all or you'll have no more rabbits."

While you are building your net worth and creating financial freedom for yourself, try switching your definitions of reward and deny. You are rewarding yourself every time you KEEP your money, every time you make a choice not to buy something and instead to save or invest that money. You REWARD yourself by keeping your money and DENY yourself by giving it away in little bits.

When you have finally created the financial conditions that allow you to freely purchase things you want, you may find that you spend less freely. This doesn't mean you will suffer without; it means that you will have learned the ultimate lesson about money, which is to KEEP it; to cherish it and put it to work for you. Every penny you spend is one less in your pocket, and one less that works for you. Personally, I fervently believe in increasing one's means, rather than learning or choosing to live frugally within one's means. The philosophies are quite different, mine being based on abundance and possibility rather than concepts of lack and limited resources. Think in terms of finding and creating more ways of making money, and begin building your dreams, dollar by dollar. Anyone can do this. YOU can do it!

Credit Does NOT Equal Cash

Many people confuse credit offered to them by a bank or other lending institution with CASH. 'Woohoo!' they think...'extra money to spend!'

Because credit can feel like it provides breathing room, it is easy to switch unnoticed to thinking it's 'spending room'.

"For many people credit cards aren't real money, at least until the bill arrives," says financial columnist Michelle Singletary in her book Spend Well, Live Rich. She continues, "People think of credit cards as an extension of their income." [This is a good book to help you re-consider your spending patterns. I find the content quite lack-based, however there are many important lessons and eye-openers that make it a very worthwhile read.]

Credit and cash are NOT the same as far as their effect on your wealth, and in fact can be considered opposites. Credit involves more debt, and cash is something that if handled wisely can make you wealthy. Paying for a purchase with cash is the opposite of paying for it with credit. You are essentially agreeing to put not only the purchase amount into someone else's pocket, but all the interest you will pay as well.

I myself used to feel like an extra $2,000 credit was just like cash, and until I understood and changed this dangerous perception, it ruled my financial life and kept me in a difficult situation.

Many times what allows us to believe our purchases are not really affecting our financial bottom line is the fact that it's little numbers: a meal here, a manicure there...how much can it really hurt? The flip side of this coin is how hard it is to hear the answer to that question. We act like ostriches and stick our heads in the sand. We don't WANT to know; it's easier and less painful that way. Somewhere inside we know that we are acting like fools, and it's easier not to face that.
Please know that the day you choose to face your spending habits will be a turning point in your life. This is a GOOD thing. Taking control of your finances is the most empowering, exciting and rewarding activity imaginable. The emotional and financial gains you will enjoy are well worth the sting of humiliation you may feel when looking your choices straight on.

For a little test, and whenever you need a reminder, try the following when you are faced with a buying decision, big or small:

• Check out the calculators at USATODAY.com and play around. Under the 'saving' list try 'What's it worth to reduce my spending?' to really get an idea what you could do with your money. It can be very inspiring to see how much that little regular purchase could be worth to your financial future if you allocated your money differently.


• Do a quick mental calculation to determine how many hours of your labor went into creating this much money. For example, if after taxes you pull in $10 per hour and you want to buy a great $100 top on sale for $40 - what a deal! - change your perspective by asking yourself 'is this really worth 4 hours of my working time?' It's no deal. It's $40 that could otherwise be building on itself, in your favor instead of someone else's.


• For purchases you are considering the use of credit for, ask yourself if you would go into your local bank or credit union and apply for a loan. This tip is courtesy of Michelle Singletary (mentioned above), and it's a brilliantly simple way of getting perspective. Would you really look your loan officer in the face and say 'Well, I really need the $150 for this AWESOME pair of Nike shoes and of course I need socks to go with them...'? Didn't think so.

Remember, credit is NOT your money. It's someone else's money, and you pay dearly for the use of it - sometimes many, many times the original purchase price. Start keeping your money in your pocket, where it belongs, and leave others' money in their pockets. Anyone can do this. YOU can do it.